Tune-up Your Self-Talk Just A Little This Year
WORD LIST
WORDS and THOUGHTS are POWERFUL. It is important to your Stress Management to learn to choose your words and thoughts accurately based on your situation. It is very easy in stressful, but non-life threatening situations, to choose overly stressful words and thoughts to interpret the situation. So, lets give your Self-Talk a tune-up. This is a beneficial habit to begin to practice daily.
STRESS REFLEX THINKING Style (i.e., levels 8, 9 & 10 on the Whitworth Stressometer)—This thinking style is reflexive and extreme and can accompany any stressful moment. Due to stress hormones we can experience varying beliefs about worry, doom, self-condemnation, victimization, catastrophic outcomes, self-criticism, blame, shame, judgmentalism and inadequacy. In this state of mind we do not like ourselves. Our thoughts are prone to race out into the future or way back into the past but do not stay in the present. Alternatively, our thoughts can be extremely grandiose or euphoric at this point. So, the stressed, adrenalized mind can be extremely negative or extremely positive. This unbalanced mind is because the stress hormones immediately narrow our attentional focus to rivet or fixate it on the one main item of stress. This is only helpful to our problem solving abilities in a life-threatening emergency, otherwise it is a false alarm in the Central Nervous System (CNS).
Examples of Adrenaline laced thoughts: I have to figure this out or fix this situation right now, I can’t stand it, I must, I should, I ought, this is awful, I am awful, it’s my fault, there is something wrong with me, I should be able to fix this or figure it out, I am not good enough. We think in terms of dichotomies like: either/or, life or death, right or wrong, good or bad, win or lose, all or nothing, always or never, black or white, the glass is half empty or half full. The decisions we make under the influence of stress hormones are immediately gratifying because the decision making tool is fight, flight and/or freeze. Our attitude is Intolerant, perfectionistic &/or idealistic, and our emotions are extreme. We feel extreme emotions like misery, agony, worry, hopelessness, guilt, depression, panic, rage, desperation, inadequacy, dire neediness, being out of control or extreme pain from what I call ‘adrenaline brain.’
I believe it is helpful to realize your mind and body are capable of falsely alarming you. False alarms in the CNS are extremely common for us all. Begin noting when your neurology may accidentally be falsely alarming your thoughts, feelings, breathing and muscle tension today. By increasing your awareness of false alarms you can begin your relaxation response more quickly and your day may be just a little better. ©Pamela Whitworth, PhD. All Rights Reserved.
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RELAXATION RESPONSE THINKING Style (levels 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 & 7 on the Whitworth Stressometer)—Our relaxation hormones cause our attentional focus to broaden and relax so we can begin to experience an awareness of choices, preferences, options, possibilities, hopes, freewill & free speech. The relaxed state of mind is naturally more tolerant and evenly balanced with positive and negative thoughts. The more relaxed state of mind is better for creatively solving daily problems.
Examples of Relaxed thoughts: I choose, I prefer, I hope, I plan, I want, I would rather, I wish, I think, I like, I can stand things I don’t like, I am supposed to make mistakes, I am a normal human when I let myself or others down, maybe things will work out some other time, it’s ok, I am ok anyway, it’s not all my fault, life just sucks some of the time, it’s normal for things to go wrong, just leave things alone, see what happens, so what?, I can have a little fun anyway, I can relax a little anyway, in spite of the problems I can enjoy today a little, I am ok even when I mess things up. In a calmer state of mind we tend to like some things about self and life in general. We can naturally begin feeling unique, creative, appreciative and grateful in this state of mind. Our thoughts slow down a little and feel more comfortable due to a mental focus on what is happening right now. We begin to see our own negative thoughts as an exaggeration of our reality.
When we are more relaxed we think in terms of various outcomes, possibilities and shades of gray called ‘both/and reasoning,’ like life is good and bad, I am right sometimes and wrong sometimes, too, I win and lose, the glass is half empty and half full at the same time, some things are better than others, some good can come from tough experiences, maybe it is not as bad as I think. The decisions we make under the influence of relaxation hormones delay gratification because the decision making tool is preference, not desperation. Our attitude towards distress and adversity is more tolerant and accepting. We begin to like ourself again. We feel less intense emotions like sadness, disappointment, discouragement, encouragement, bravery, hope, concern, gentleness, kindness, compassion, acceptance, gratitude, confidence, humor or creativity & frustration. We naturally take our negative views less seriously feel calmer.
Transitioning: Learning to get out of your fight, flight &/or freeze sate of mind for daily life hassles and problems is helped along by practicing relaxation techniques a few minutes everyday. If your job is very stressful a few minutes of relaxation practice is even more important for you. Adopting a calmer state of mind will improve your wellbeing, quality of life and your relationships. ©Pamela Whitworth, PhD. All Rights Reserved.
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