Introducing Your Mind Body Processing Channels

Discover Your 4 Mind-Body Channels Controlling Your Thoughts, Feelings, Behavior, and Health  

Think for a few minutes about how your mood can fluctuate and change throughout your day depending on expectations of self and others, relationships, health, finance, and things to look forward to. I want to introduce you to your channels of your thought and behavior. Your Stress Reflex Reaction triggers your Fight/Anger/Rage, Flight/Anxiety/Panic, and/or Freeze/Shutdown Channels controlling your thought and behavior. Once this reactivity happens your very own Stress Hormones like Adrenaline, Norepinephrine, and Cortisol (i.e., Loud Hormones) oversee your thoughts and behavior pushing you to swift decisions safety decisions even if you are already safe. If you are not in danger these Loud hormones can disrupt mood, relationships, communication, health, problem solving and wellbeing. If you are in immediate danger swift decisions scripted by your stress hormones will save your life.  

Your Relaxation Responding Channel is what I have named your Preference Channel. In this channel of thought and behavior you oversee choosing your thoughts, action plans, decisions, and activities. You get to be yourself and you feel calm enough to process your stressors based on personal preferences of free choice and free speech. Your decisions you make in this Preference channel are not immediate but calm and thoughtful instead. You are capable of decision making based on what is best in your opinion overall and in the long run. Your Relaxation Hormones like Serotonin, Endorphins, Oxytocin, and Dopamine allow this thoughtful better feeling decision-making process to be available. The Preference Channel is calmer and better feeling and spurs along memory, intelligence, curiosity, creativity, fun, playfulness, humorous ideas, gratitude, acceptance of loss, joy, and improved participation in hobbies, physical activities, and interests. 

While you can get stuck in your Stress Reflex Channels of processing for days, weeks, months, maybe even years, you cannot get stuck in your Preference Channel of mind body processing. In fact, it will take effort on your part to access your Preference Channel. The requirement to enter this special channel is physical and mental Relaxation. Relaxing your muscles and mind for a few minutes is your access key to the most important part of yourself and identity. We all think and behave the similarly in the Stress Reflex Channels. We are our different and unique selves when we are relaxed. 

Anyone can relax when things are going well. However, relaxing under pressure is difficult to learn how to do on demand. The requirement is Relaxation practices daily for 5-30 minutes per day. Relaxation is achieved with physical activity, fun activities, meditation, music, playfulness, yoga, bubble baths, showers and any 5–30-minute activity you enjoy. The reason it is important to practice relaxing when you are safe is so you can exit the Stress Reactivity racket controlling your mind and behavior. Once you exit the Loud Stress Reflex Channels through the magic door of Relaxation you can be yourself. Since the Stress Reactive Channels are our default, it is important to stay aware of Relaxing often throughout the day for at least 5 minutes. To that end I have created and continue to create 5-minute Relaxation Exercises. Please help yourself to your Preference Channel often daily. 

©Pamela Whitworth, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

Rain's Navy of the Highlands

My name is Navy. I am an Irish Setter. I just turned 2 years old. Navy is my second generation Therapy Dog. She is ‘In Training’ and doing great work.

How to Strengthen Your Real Relaxation Posture Muscles

Shoulder Roll Relaxation Posture Training: Introducing You to Your Real Posture Muscles

Begin by getting comfortable in your favorite chair or on your bed.  Become aware of your upper body muscle tension level as you exhale fully. Become aware of your mental tension by paying attention to the thoughts passing through your mind right now. Relax and allow your thoughts to become more neutral and less judgmental so that they pass more freely through your mind without mental effort just like clouds passing across the sky. Begin relaxing the muscle tension in your chest wall, ribcage, shoulders and neck a little bit on each exhale even though you may have things on your mind. Relax a little more anyway in your chest and shoulders on each slow and complete exhale. Direct your thoughts to your muscles to relax the tension completely in your neck, ribcage, and shoulders on each exhale.

Next, do 4 backwards shoulder rolls. Roll your shoulders up and down and back slowly and deliberately 4 times. Take your time. On your 4th roll leave your shoulders down and back as far as possible. This may take effort as our shoulders are usually wrapped around our ears in a stress posture by reflexive muscle tension. Keeping your shoulders down and back instead takes practice and mental and physical effort because these Real posture muscles weaken over time from not being used regularly. Next, lean your head gently to the right, come back to center, then gently to the left, come back to center allowing your neck to relax and lengthen. You are in Relaxation Posture now. Practice this posture often to strengthen your Real Posture muscles. Continue allowing your thoughts to pass freely without judgment through your mind just as clouds pass across the sky as you relax your muscles a little more and maintain the Relaxation Posture. Keep focusing on having your shoulders rolled down and back all the way as far as possible.                                                                                                                                     

Inhale deeply while you keep your shoulders down and away from your ears. If you enjoy visualization then visualize relaxation as silver threads of refreshing light and air, then imagine beautiful, refreshing silver threads of light and air spreading throughout your upper body muscles, and mind right now. Enjoy the sensation and the visual image of refreshing silver threads of relaxation and air spreading a little more freely throughout your neck, shoulders, chest wall, lungs, ribcage, and mind on each full and complete exhale. Inhale slowly and deeply while keeping your shoulders down and away from your ears. Exhale completely while you relax deeply all your upper body muscles and mind just a little more right now in this moment. Enjoy the refreshment of relaxation in your body, and mind today. You have completed the Shoulder Roll Relaxation Posture Training. ©Pamela Whitworth, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

Why Are Relationships So Complex?

                                  TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS

1. CONTROLLING RELATIONSHIPS can trigger the Stress Response and the Stress Respose hormones themselves can trigger controlling behaviors in relationships (i.e. 8, 9 & 10 on the stressometer). If any of your relationships seem stressful a lot of the time, chances are controlling-ness, also known as codependency, is to blame. All humans can play controlling/codependent roles in relationships from time to time. The goals of  controlling Roles are to get your own way, to persuade others to agree with you or to get others to depend on you to fix their problems. Controlling relationships are intolerant relationships which feel invasive and intrusive for various reasons and are focused on immediate gratification and impatience. The stressful attitude is: “I can’t stand it if I don’t get my way or if I am wrong or if you don’t like how I fixed all your problems” and triggers the stress response in the autonomic nervous system. The decisions we make under the influence of the stress hormones are immediately gratifying because the decision making tool is fight, flight and/or freeze. The problems arise when controlling roles are all a relationship consists of. There are three main examples of controlling roles:

  a. The Mean Role-- In situations of abuse, this role is usually referred to as the perpetrator. The person using this role attempts to control others with meanness, verbally, physically, socially or financially. Commonly, this is the bully role. Usually the bully abuses/manipulates the other person into fixing his/her emotional problems in exchange for emotional, physical, social &/or financial safety in the relationship. Sometimes this pattern type is referred to as emotional blackmail. The bully’s threat is usually a rage attack of some kind. However, in situations which are immediately life threatening, the Mean role is actually the person or persons who take charge of the disaster and quickly lead others to safety; and seem heroic instead of mean. So the context determines whether or not a person is being mean or a hero. This is the fight component of the fight, flight &/or freeze Stress Response. Often when the fight gear is used in a non-life threatening situation someone will likely feel victimized, not rescued. It is important for the people involved in this type of communicating to get some help before the relationship is damaged beyond repair.

   b. The Pleaser Role—This role is often used by people who expect others to be mean to them or bully them and is caused by a high anxiety level in relationships. It is also used at other times. For example, it is used by people when they are feeling guilty about being mean or when being liked is very important to a sense of self-adequacy. The pleaser is the person in the relationship who is the fixer of the problems for the bully and others in general. The pleaser often feels guilty when unable to rescue or fix the problems for the bully. The pleaser finds it necessary to justify, defend, explain and prove themselves worthy with overfunctioning so the bully will not get mad and be disapproving of them. The pleaser often thinks “I should be able to figure it out, why am I so stupid?” However, in situations which are immediately life threatening, the Pleaser role is actually assumed by the person who can quickly take orders from the leader/hero in a disaster and quickly lead others to safety. So, again the context determines whether or not a person is being a pleaser or a hero. The pleaser role is in the flight component of the fight, flight &/or freeze of the Stress Response’s reflexive gears of behaving and emoting. The Pleaser is often the person who is called the Enabler in any toxic relationship. Pleasers are prone to exhaustion, panic and anxiety problems.                                                                 

  c. The Helpless Role—In situations of danger or abuse, the helpless role is usually referred to as the victim role. A victim is a person or animal who suffers from the injurious action of another person, agency or illness. The victim or victims are the ones the heroes in life threatening situations are rescuing. However, in  the everyday life of loving or work or social relationships, the helpless role can slowly over time become controlling of loved ones due to the mixture of love and sickness, sadness and/or neediness. In order to prevent controllingness due to helplessness, the people involved in loving, work or social relationships are advised to reserve caretaking of each other for times of immediate need, emergency or very limited periods of time. For all other times alternative plans need to be coordinated for the person who is injured or ill. The boundaries of daily caretaking being coordinated by others most of the time allows loved ones, peers and colleagues to be less stressed and more likely to enjoy each other’s company over time. The helpless role can also be a shutting down experience as well, for example, when the person shutting down distances themselves and withdraws from relating for awhile due to exhaustion, mutism, mental/emotional overwhelm, shock, etc.  As with anything else, shutting down can be helpful to the person experiencing it if allows the person to calm and relax a little at a time. However, it can, also, be damaging if it is prolonged. The helpless &/or shutting down role is the frozen component of the fight, flight &/or freeze Stress Response.

In sum, there are situations in which the above controlling roles people employ in relationships are necessary. In immediately life threatening situations controlling roles actually work best because they produce quick reactions due to the high level of stress hormones reflexively and rapidly mobilized by the Stress Response of the Central Nervous System, CNS. However, if controlling roles are used in a relationship on a regular basis the stress and pressure of constantly working to agree, please, fix, serve, dominate and/or need help can wear the people involved out and make the relationship seem too hard. Controlling relationships can erode self-worth and hope over time because the people involved mistakenly believe they should be able to succeed at agreeing, pleasing, fixing, serving, helping, dominating and/or needing the other person at all times. So the net result is to feel like the relationship is a failure and it may not be at all. It is very important for people who are in relationships that are controlling to realize they are not suppose to be successful at controlling relationships all of the time or even very often at all. Controlling behaviors are an accidental byproduct of too much stress hormones delivered reflexively into our mind and bodies via the CNS, not a deliberate choice.                                  

I believe it is helpful to understand the level of stress hormones controlling our thinking, feeling and behaving is reflexively delivered not a choice that we get to control. We can become aware of our own Fight, Flight and/or Freeze behaviors, thoughts and emotions so we can begin to recognize them, but we cannot prevent the stress hormone surges in our systems. We are, on the other hand, empowered to learn how to reset our very own CNS to a lower stress score whenever we desire. Learning that your stress hormones

surge high reflexively and will only dip back lower again by deliberately doing something calming like taking a break, mindfully meditating, walking, running, relaxing, etc. for at least 6 minutes can be very helpful in all of our relationships. Taking a 6 minute break can reset your mind and body to your favorite state of mind which I call the Preference state of mind. In the Preference state of mind we are empowered to think, behave and feel more preferentially and that is a relief to us all.

There are four main states of mind: fight, flight, freeze and preference. The first three are reactive states of mind involving thinking, feeling and behaving, and are reflexively driven by our stress hormone levels. We do not really have much choice over our thinking, feeling or behaving when we land in one of the fight, flight &/or freeze states of mind. The only clear choice is for us to recognize the thinking, feeling and behaving clues that tell us we are stressed out again, and if it is not a life threatening emergency we need to take a 6 minute break to go and reset our CNS to a lower stress score so we can regain our preference state of mind. When we are calmer in our upperbody muscles and breathing center we can begin to choose how we would prefer to think, prefer to feel and prefer to behave in the situation at hand. The preference state of mind depends on relaxed upperbody muscles, relaxed breathing and a relaxed mind. Once you are calmer in your muscles and breathing your mind can begin identifying personal preferences about hw to proceed, but not before. The mind will naturally switch from fight, flight &/or freeze reactivity to personal preference responding instead once your stress score drops to 7 or below. It is worth the wait. Learn to wait it out and then proceed in your relationships and problem solving tasks once your preference state of mind is available and online whenever you can. The strategy of waiting through the reactivity of fight, flight &/or freeze reacting in all non-life threatening situations is helpful to us all. It is relieving to our minds and body to wait until preference can be our response instead as often as possible.    

Have you ever wondered how you can be feeling, thinking and behaving fine one minute and then all of the sudden you are freaking out? This is due to the stress hormones surging for whatever reason. In relationships it can happen when we care or even just know the other person who is upset. When we are with someone who is upset we can accidentally quickly escalate our own stress score and join them in their freakout unless we quickly choose not to do so. I call this rapport. We rappot with friends, colleague and loved ones easily and accidentally. This it true about freaking out and it works the other direction as well. In other words, once you are freaking out accidentally and you had been just fine moments ago, you can choose to calm back down to a lower stress score once again.

Once you are calmer again, the people you are with will eventually calm down too. There is always a time lag at this juncture. We naturally follow each other around on the stressometer when we know each other so we can use this knowledge for calming back down, too, if we want to. It is fun to realize it is a two way street not just a one way street. On some level this is how emotions seem very contagious. I like the analogy of the ‘kitten on the screen door’ to describe sudden stress hormone surges that alter behavior, emoting and thinking. When a kitten climbs or is placed on a screen door it has to regroup internally for a minute or two or 6 before it can figure out how to get back down again. Remembering how to relax and retract its claws requires deliberately choosing to relax it’s upperbody muscles and begin better breathing so it can think what to do. Once the kitten is more relaxed it can prefer to stay or leave the screen door. We are like this, our personal preference decisions, choices, feelings, behaviors, free will, free speech and free choice depend on mind/body relaxation.

2. PREFERRING RELATIONSHIPS trigger the relaxation response (i.e., 3, 4, 5, 6 & 7 on the stressometer), so they are more enjoyable for all of the people involved. The decisions we make under the influence of the relaxation hormones delay gratification because the decision making tool is preference. This type of relating is based on each person’s ability to stand up for what they prefer or want as well as delayed gratification and patience. When each person in a relationship individually and independently  honors their own personal preferences with words and actions, there is no room for codependency to develop. When each person responsibly takes care of his or her own preferences and issues and leaves the other person free to do the same the relationship is more likely to develop intimacy, support and spontaneity rather than stress.   In the preferring relationship, the people involved understand the goals of the relationship to be ‘listening to’ and ‘acceptance of’ the differences between self and the others. The goal is not to get what you want, just to know what you want instead. Oddly enough, most of the time the people in preferring relationships are more likely to get what they want and to be more satisfied in the relationship. Preferring relationships are more tolerant relationships. The attitude is: “I am ok when I don’t get my way or what I want. At least I stood up for what I wanted.” The result of this type of relationships is self-respect and self-approval because of the freedom of speech and free-will involved. It is a relationship between equals and worthy opponents at times, not bullies and victims. Personal honesty about personal preference allows intimacy to develop between people and self-acceptance to develop for the individual. The idea of “saying” what you want not necessarily  “getting” what you want calms the relationship down and allows the people involved to get to know each other better. Acceptance and tolerance of negative emotions and imperfections like the disappointment of not getting what you want and disapproval from loved ones is ok, realistic and normal in all relationships; and contributes positively to getting to know yourself and others a little at a time.

©Pamela Whitworth, PhD. All Rights Reserved.

The Hardware Of Healthy Relationships Based On Healthy Communication And Boundaries

The Feather Weight of Preference: Preference Assertion is a Strategy for Improving Thinking Habits and Communication Styles

Thinking about what you prefer is relaxing and clarifying (i.e., 3, 4, 5, 6 & 7 on the stressometer) because while pondering upon your specific preferences you will experience your personal preference meditatively and get to know yourself a little better, too, which builds self-respect. The decisions we make under the influence of the relaxation hormones delay gratification because the decision making tool is preference, and we are required to slow down in order to come up with our free-will preference before proceeding. Personal preference decisions are delayed gratificatiers and tend to be under-whelming for us to make. In other words, personal preference decisions are not very exciting for us, but they are better for us; and in the long run will turn out to make us happier. Alternatively, the decisions we see ourselves routinely make under the influence of the fight, flight and freeze stress hormones are reflexively decided upon which means there is not much thought involved. These more reflexive decisions are immediately gratifying which means they make us feel immediately good and feel overwhelmingly convinced to do them suddenly and/or immediately as a result of the stress hormones’ presence. The stress hormones speed up decisions we make in order to save our lives but is at cross purposes with us when our lives are not in immediate danger.

Standing up for your personal preference is a stress reliever because it produces internal self-respect over time. The resulting self-respect is more helpful to reducing stress than actually getting what you asked for preferentially! So, ask for what you want or just become more aware of what you would rather see happen whether you think you will get it or not. Keep doing it no matter what. You will reduce your stress, improve your self-respect, and increase your chances of getting what you have requested, too.

Personal Preference Assertion involves stating and thinking about your personal beliefs and desires in a flexible way and is based on a person’s freedom of choice.When determining your preference you will want to choose your preference based upon what you will be the happiest with having done in the longrun not the shortrun. In other words, true preference is more gradifying overall to you, not necessarily immediately gratifying. Your true preference will line up your thought, emotion, breathing and behaving more with your more creative and unique core self. It differs greatly from a demand or a command, which is usually verbalized in a more controlling and pushy way. It’s important to know the difference and stick to verbalizing and thinking about your wishes and desires using preference assertion skills as well as delayed gratification principles to stay calmer under daily life pressures.

The goal of Preference Assertion strategies and Preference Thinking habits is Acceptance of self and other’s differences. At first you may have anxiety spikes when trying this strategy. Stick with it anyway. These scared moments dissolve very quickly after standing up for yourself with calm preference assertion. Over time your stress and anxiety in relationships will diminish significantly and you will feel calmer. Or the relationship may end instead. If the relationship does not have enough room in it for each person’s preferences then it will not last. Standing up for personal preference.

 whether you get what you want or not will end a poor relationship faster instead of

allowing it to linger. If you keep your preferences tucked inside during a relationship in order to fix the other person’s issues then your stress and anxiety in the relationship will rise slowly over the course of the unfolding relationship and the relationship will need help or just end anyway. It is our various preferences that make us different from each other.  When we accept our own and other people’s preferences and differences as OK, stress levels begin to drop because the goal is acceptance rather than agreement or getting your way. When acceptance is the goal things are obviously and openly imperfect while being relaxed and accepting, too.

On the other hand, if agreement is the goal of a relationship it will become increasingly stressful, rigid and perfectionistic over time.  Demandingness, harshness and/or persuasiveness become the thinking and communicating strategy at work (i.e., 8, 9 & 10 on the stressometer) and the goal is usually to push for agreement. Since we are all so different from each other, we usually cannot agree on very many things and conflict can begin to overtake the relationship. Agreement is unrealistic and stressful to try to achieve because we usually fail. The general emotional feeling in pushy relationships is a heavy feeling. So I call this general emotional feeling ‘the heavy weight of pushiness.’ It’s more realistic and practical to Agree-to-Disagree and negotiate with each other based on preference and acceptance. Your stress will diminish and your self-respect will improve.

Since the goal of preference awareness and assertion is based on acceptance and tolerance of self and other’s differences it naturally improves our tolerance of discomfort, frustration and distress at not getting what we really want at times. This attitude of tolerance of life’s daily frustrations, distressors and discomforts allows us to remain a little calmer in our relationships and daily life in general.  The emotional feeling inside is usually like feeling a little lighter. So I refer to this emotional lightness feeling as ‘the feather weight of preference.’ This calmer self will be able to have a better quality of life each day, not by getting what you want but by at least knowing what it is and honoring it with words and behavior some of the time while, also, remaining tolerant in the process and exchange. Indeed, it is this more tolerant and calm attitude that improves our performance under pressure no matter what the performance relates to. In other words, your performance in all of your nonlife threatening activities, e.g., relationships, weight management, sleep, athletics, business meetings, addiction recovery, public speaking, romance, test taking, school work, creativity, writing, depression recovery, anxiety management, pain management, stress management, etc. will be improved by enlisting the help of your calmer, preferential and more tolerant self.

©Pamela Whitworth,PhD. All Rights Reserved.

What is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism As a Stress Reflex Thinking Style

Perfectionistic, pushy internal thoughts often tell us ’nothing is ever good enough’ or ‘enough’ period, no matter what the topic and can create a lot of mental tension. Quite literally, these thoughts think themselves. Greed, also known as avarice, cupidity or covetousness, is the inordinate desire to possess more and more wealth, goods, or objects of abstract value with the intention to keep it for one's self, far beyond the dictates of basic survival and comfort, Wikipedia. I believe greed and perfectionism are the same kind of pushy thoughts that harass & kick us about how well we are doing and how well we are measuring up, too, to some abstract standard of measurement

I believe the hidden meaning & message of the self-talk that makes us feel like our life, self, work, performance, looks, weight, earning$, power, cleanliness, good deeds, belongings, situations, relationships, etc. are not ever good enough is caused by greed for more & more of anything beyond reason. Moreover, it is our stress hormones that reflexively create the ‘not good enough’ thinking-feeling combination to start with. The ‘not good enough’ thoughts, no matter what specifically our mind is saying is ‘not good enough,’ constantly prompt us for more & more beyond what is necessary or preferred. This more and more drive is reasonable if our lives are in danger without it, but otherwise the ‘more and more’ &/or ‘not good enough’ message is a distortion in our thinking. If we continue believing the ‘not good enough’ message of the brain’s powerful stress hormones, no matter what it is about specifically in our own particular cases, we will ruin a lot of enjoyment time, situations, relationships, activities, etc. The pressure for more, i.e., upsizing, of anything beyond what is necessary or preferred is a distortion in our thinking prompted by the powerful stress hormones not prompted by free-will.

We are involuntarily thinking and processing/digesting these pushy thoughts unless we learn how to deliberately switch to the relaxation hormones’ more voluntary and preferential thinking style instead. We all can be taught to think more consciously and mindfully. The trick is learning to take the time to calm down the breathing center, reduce the muscle tension and identify our personal preferences about each and every topic in our worlds that is not life threatening. This process is time consuming but well worth it!

To expand on the idea of the stress hormones’ ‘not good enough’ &/or ‘more & more’ message a little further I think it is important to learn how to recognize the many variations on the ‘perfectionistic-greedy’ theme there are. In addition to the ‘not good enough’ idea there are various similar messages we process a lot like obsessiveness about something, perfectionistic self-pressures, compulsive behaviors, pushiness w self or others, feelings of inadequacy, guilt, shame, all or nothing, either awful or awesome, the bad cancelling the good, feeling like a fool… These attitudes and behaviors are powerfully motored up by our very own stress hormones and can easily be mistaken for the gospel if we are not aware of their extremely distorted message in all situations that are not truly life threatening.

Similarly, the idea of thinking more mindfully and deliberately also has been referred to by many varying topics depending on who is doing the describing. Sport Psychologists refer to the topic as ‘maintaining performance under pressure.’ Buddhists refer to it as ‘equanimity’, which is ‘mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.’  Cognitive Behavioral Therapists talk about the concept in terms of ‘response prevention & exposures.’ Dialectical Behavioral Therapists discuss it in terms of ‘discomfort tolerance’ or as I like to say ‘disapproval tolerance.’ Health Psychologists describe it under the general heading of ‘Stress Management.’ AA calls it Serenity and has coined the Serenity Prayer to teach the concept. Needless to say, the concept is well established as a very good idea.

I talk about the calmer mental state as the Preference State of Mind. Practicing the Preferred State of Mind starts with learning to ‘relax anyway,’  ‘breathe anyway’ and ‘identify your personal preference anyway’ in all non-life threatening yet stressful situations. I think it is helpful to think about painful or difficult situations in terms of the Internal Guidance System (IGS) which allows us to decipher our personal preferences from the experiences we are living. I think it is the pain and misery that teach us the most about ourselves, and if we use the information to help guide us towards our preferences and away from our misery, even a little bit, then we have used the IGS constructively. If we do nothing at all about our internal pushy thoughts, they will effectively push us around and possibly destroy our moods and relationships a lot of the time, especially during stressful times.

The more important or meaningful something is to us, the more likely we are to reflexively/accidentally begin distorting our thinking and behaving about it by stressing out, and the more likely we are to sabotage the experience altogether. The reflexive stressing out or freaking out that happens to us cannot be stopped. All any of us can do is to learn how to calm the breathing center, relax the muscle tension and identify personal preference as soon as possible in all of our non-life threatening, yet stressful, situations. The mental awareness that our stress hormones will hold our thinking processes hostage until we deliberately redirect our minds is the best weapon we all have to fight back with. So become aware of the powerful effects, i.e., the special effects, really, your stress hormones have on your personal thinking style.

Practice the: ‘Mindfulness to improve concentration under pressure’ to learn how to improve your performance during your most difficult situations. The idea of ‘good enoughness’ or ‘enoughness’ in general is a learned thinking strategy and something each of us can deliberately learn to cue ourselves to think more often if we want to. The preference state of mind is aware of the distinction between feeling preferential under the influence of the relaxation hormones as opposed to pushy and demanding under the influence of the stress hormones. The former is a lighter and more creative feeling compared to the heavier, overwhelmed feeling of the stress response.

The relaxation response state of mind is preference. The preference state of mind allows the mind to relax and realize caring about things and others is not the same thing as being controlled by them. It is calmer, more fun, lighter or just content. The preference state of mind brings with it the ability to experience enough indifference towards what other people want from you so that you can choose for yourself what to do, or at least know in your heart what your preference is even if you do what you are told. The mind only needs to be prompted by us to be aware of personal preference when under pressure. It is only important to know what you prefer whether you get it or not is not nearly as important s the awareness. The awareness of preference rests the mind and soothes the self-respect/esteem just enough to keep us in the game and at our best under pressure.

The stress response states of mind are fight (i.e., anger, aggression, demanding, rage, hostility, etc.), flight (i.e., anxiety, worry, pleasing behavior, fixing & figuring it out obsessively, panic, etc.) and freeze (i.e., shutting down, withdrawing, isolating, ruminating, obsessing, perseverating, mutism, rigidity of muscles and mind, etc.). The fight, flight and freeze states of mind are intent on immediate gratification and intolerance of the current reality. This is a very bad feeling, please see Whitworth Stressometer levels 8, 9 and 10. The emotions the stress hormones power up for us to use will save our lives in a true life or death emergency. However, if the situation is not a dire emergency these heavy, rigid and pushy emotions will interfere with our thinking, feeling and breathing and effectively sabotage our performance under pressure.

Be prepared to compare the feather-weight of the preference state of mind to the heavy-weight of the fight, flight and freeze states of mind during your day. Remember fight, flight and freeze are reflexive states of mind and come on unbidden sometimes even in our sleep. Whereas the preference state of mind only comes on because you prompt yourself internally for your preference so you can know what it is and stand up for it if you want to, not so you can get it. I believe the feather-weight of preference is the heartbeat of each soul and each soul’s true center. In this lighter state of mind life is easily more relaxed and meditational because it is about awareness not having and demanding your way.

There are many triggers for the perfectionistic stress reflex thoughts. An important feature of the awareness that creates the pushy, competitive drive for more and better is that it really can help improve our performance up to a point. And when it takes us beyond that magical point, it begins to deteriorate or sabotage our personal performance. So it is important to become aware of exactly where the helpfulness of the stress hormones’ message becomes harmful to our personal bests (pb’s) instead.

I have created the Whitworth Stressometer for daily use to help you recognize where your pb’s are most likely to occur for you in all of your non-life threatening situations. The Whitworth Stressometer is a scale from 0-10 that designates the Stress Reflex Response zones of fight, flight & freeze as 8, 9 & 10; and the Relaxation Response zones as 0-7. It is important to realize that once our adrenalin hormones release reflexively into our systems we will actually be able to think & behave preferentially up to level 7. After we leave level 7 the adrenalin begins to distort our thinking and behaving so that it is more rigid and reflexively negative. Not only do our thoughts become rigidly all or nothing and judgmental but our muscles and breathing become tense and rigid as well. So it is helpful to learn to moderate or ease up on the adrenalin flow by relaxing muscle tension and exhaling completely throughout the day. Sometimes it isn’t possible to hang onto level 7 and we will need to relax muscles and breathing to get the mind to focus on preference in order to get back to that level.

The important thing is awareness of what is happening in your mind and body. Every second of everyday you are somewhere on the Whitworth Stressometer Scale. It is possible to deliberately choose to hang out more of the time in your Relaxation Response zones in order to improve your pb’s in your work, leisure, home life and relationships.

Competitiveness/perfectionism/greed is an important driver in us towards preferential goals and achievements. It is not a bad thing until it becomes rigid and begins to destroy the quality of our experiences, relationships or attitudes towards self. So be aware that the drive for more or better is like fuel that can push us too hard. The key is to become aware of the controls we each have at our disposal to moderate the flow of our stress hormones or back out of the Stress Reflex Thinking Style once we are already there. There are three basic internal control centers to become aware of: 1. breathing rate and rhythm, 2. level of muscle tension in the body and 3. present thinking style.

Once you teach yourself to become aware of each area of control you have, you can begin learning to ease up and moderate stress hormone release into your system. The main goals are: 1. exhale completely & relax your rib area muscle tension a little bit, 2. relax your muscle tension in your face and shoulders, and 3. identify your personal preference about your situation or difficulty while asking yourself to resist judging the situation or yourself. These are the basic and overall goals to work towards in order to achieve improved stress management and disapproval tolerance during your rougher and more difficult scenarios of your life. It is never too late to work on these three goals in your more difficult situations. Whether you start at the beginning or after the fact or in the middle of your difficulty, these are the goals you will want to practice. Practicing these three main strategies daily will strengthen your relaxation musculature so it will be available in the tense moments of your real life so that you can stay ‘on your game’ more of the time. Your pb’s will begin to show up more of the time in your work world, home life and relationships. Remember, it is never too late to get ‘back ‘in the game’ of your own life and ‘try again’ or ‘start again’ on that difficult project, resume, job search, training program, conversation, relationship, collaborative effort, creative endeavor, etc. and do it from a more relaxed, preferential and nonjudgmental perspective. Not only will the quality of your experience improve but also you will be more satisfied or fulfilled by the results of your efforts.

Overall, these strategies ask you to somehow teach yourself to diminish how seriously you are taking yourself &/or your situation in all non-life threatening experiences in order to improve the quality of your daily life moment by moment. When you hang out in the Relaxation Response zones, i.e., levels 0-7 on the Whitworth Stressometer, of your mind & body more during each day, you will in turn feel more contentment, peace of mind, ok-ness, good-enoughness, creativity, humor, playfulness, intelligence and fun in each of your daily activities. No matter what happens from mistakes to failures to embarrassments, etc., if you would rather encounter it with your calmer, smarter, more creative self you can by staying calmer in muscle, breathing and mind. Practicing relaxation exercises everyday will make this a possibility for you, too. Relaxation Training Exercises by Pamela Whitworth, PhD are available on ITunes. The exercises I have created are purposely 5-7 minutes long each. Because of the shorter format you will be able to more easily add two or more exercises to your day. You will want to practice relaxation exercises for at least 10 minutes each day in order to begin to strengthen your relaxation muscles. Once your relaxation muscles/abilities are strong you will notice yourself regularly relaxing muscle tension, exhaling fully and identifying your preferences while resisting judgment under pressures and during stressful moments. You will notice how if the situation is non-life threatening there is always a little room for more relaxed muscles, breathing and mind, no matter how difficult or meaningful the situation is.

Basically, interrupting the powerfully pushy and compelling Stress Hormones’ thinking and responding comes down to ‘relaxing muscle tension anyway,’ ‘exhaling completely anyway’ &/or ‘thinking preferentially anyway while resisting judging self or the situation’ in spite of the stressors you are facing in all non-life threatening times. In my opinion the brain has four basic States of Mind: 1. fight, 2. flight, 3. freeze and 4. preference. The first three are reflexive and involuntary States of Mind in nature whereas and the fourth is a choice and voluntary in nature. The Preferred State of Mind is based on free will and free-speech and is the area of the mind and body experience where you will want to spend the most time getting to know yourself. Too often we know more about ourselves in the fight, flight and freeze States of Mind than anything else. So when we are stressing out the thoughts we reflexively think that are negative, perfectionistic, rigid, catastrophic &/or judgmental are involuntarily being thought.

This is a very important realization because it allows us to separate our deliberate thoughts that we voluntarily choose to think from our reflexive thoughts that we are forced to think reflexively from each other with more ease. Begin separating your four main States of Mind from each other regularly so you can identify your personal preference and build your identity based on your free will rather than your reflexes.

We are all pretty much the same when it comes to the reflexive and involuntary fight, flight and freeze thinking and responding States of Mind. However, we are all very different and more unique when it comes to our preferential thinking and responding State of Mind. By hanging onto a calmer, more relaxed mind and body each day you will have more opportunities to explore your true personality. By decision making and problem solving more of the time based on your preference State of Mind  rather than fight, flight or freeze States of Mind you can become aware of how you really roll or rather who you really are. You will begin to notice the differences between the types of personal decisions you make when reflexively responding to life compared to the types of decisions you make when your free will is more alert and you are preferential instead. The State of Mind you are currently in right now whether it is fight, flight, freeze or preference is what determines your current, moment by moment perspective on your life, self, world and situation. I hope you enjoy the process of getting to know your preferred self a little better by staying a little more relaxed in your mind and body some of the time.

©Pamela Whitworth, PhD. All Rights Reserved. whitworthstressometer.com             

Humans Are Wired To Over-React First Every Single Time Something New Happens

You are wired normally if you have trouble with over-reacting to each new life event each and every day. Some people have more trouble in their lives than others with this ‘over-reactivity’ based on Temperament, Neurodiversity and/or Trauma History. In this brief blog post today I want to provide a general coping strategy to help all of us take our over-reactivity less seriously in all non-emergency situations.

Once our Adrenaline Injectors have reflexively activated our Stress Reflex we are immediately transported to our Fight, Flight and Freeze problem-solving Central Nervous System (CNS) Zones for sudden decision-making in order to save our lives if necessary. This Adrenaline Network makes our available decision choices on a Binary Menu Option basis only: like All or Nothing, Black or White, Life or Death, Good or Bad, Either-Or, Right or Wrong, Should or Should not Reasoning System. We are suddenly forced to choose an option, we think. In a True Emergency this Sudden Perfectionistic Binary choice system can save our lives. However, most of the time the situation is not an emergency at all and these available binary choices are not a match to the context. And it’s time to admit: Whoops, False-Alarm, Never Mind. You are safe and there are no tigers about to eat you for their supper. Now what?

Well, there is already a flood of too much Adrenaline in your Neurological System. OK. Since the Adrenaline is already in our system, we might as well take advantage of it and convert it to our Preferential Purposes instead of over-reacting, Re-Purposed Adrenaline, if you will. Let’s just call this: Re-Purposed Adrenaline Maneuver, RPAM, for short. So, at this point you are in a HOLD mode and refusing to be fooled into another False-alarm Over-Reaction decision. Follow the Steps below instead of making a sudden binary choice from the Fight, Flight or Freeze drop-down menu options. Here we go.

There are 5 Steps to do the RPAM well enough to benefit in real time everyday of your life:

1. Ask yourself: Am I in an Immediately Life-Threatening situation or not? If not, tell yourself you are safe enough to Calm down just a little if you want to. Say this out loud if possible, ‘I am Safe Enough to Calm Down a little if I want to.’

2. Exhale all of the Unexpired Air from your lower lobes of your lungs.

3. Relax your shoulders by allowing them to drop away from your ears as low as they will go while gently lengthening your neck. Repeat Steps 1, 2, & 3 several times now very slowly.

4. At this point your muscles and lungs are a little more relaxed even though you have a lot of Adrenaline on board. Congratulate yourself for Relaxing Anyway, even though you are Stressed. Continue slowly transitioning to your Relaxation Response Zone in your Central Nervous system (CNS) by: Refusing to Judge yourself or the situation you are in for this moment. Say out loud if possible: ‘It is what it is and that is all.’ Refuse to think further about it right now. Refusing to judge the situation or yourself right now will relax your mind and unlock all of the other decision-making choices available to you right now.

5. Personal Preferences are the myriad choices available to you when you are in your Relaxation Response Zones of your CNS. Once you are here in your Mind Body Relaxation Zone ask yourself out loud if possible: ‘What do I want to see happen overall in this situation? What is best for me in the long-run where this situation is concerned? What do I want to see happen here?’

Take your time. The Relaxation Zone of your CNS is friendly and allows for identity and Individuality to be part of your decision-making tree. Make each decision more uniquely your own by honoring your Preferences with your behaviors and your words in as many of your non-emergency situations as possible, starting today. Remember: life is not about getting what we want all the time. It is, however, about empowering ourselves to know what that is. Standing up for your Personal Preferences in a relaxed way is the Empowerment Journey to truly believing you matter in your world. Good luck.

Remembering the 3 Emotional Nutrients During the Holidays and the Pandemic

Human life is constantly changing and asking us to keep up in our adaptations to new variables in our personal and work worlds. The 3 nutrients our wellbeing wants everyday are: to be seen, to be heard and to be allowed to vent and blow off steam safely. Often, it is difficult to ensure your inner person is getting enough of these 3 basic emotional nutrients.

Stress is a given for each of us. This year, 2020, is a record year of never ending stressful events that seem to keep going. If we, also, are experiencing health scares, relationship stress and financial stress, we can easily get too overwhelmed to accomplish our goals and honor our preferences.

In order to stay as well emotionally as possible during the Holidays and the Pandemic, work to ensure you get enough time each day to be seen, heard and to blow off steam, too. Let’s begin.

How to ensure you are seen: Don’t wait on others to see you. Look into your own eyes several times today using any mirror you have available. What do you see? What do you feel? Is it pain, contentment, worry, or troubled undercurrents of all of these states? Notice and see yourself fully and all of your emotional states of mind and body. Write down or just mentally notice yourself and your emotions at least 3 times a day, like when you are washing your hands or brushing your teeth.

How to ensure you are heard: Don’t wait for someone to ask to hear you out. Say out loud or at least sub-verbally how you are feeling to yourself. Tell yourself whatever that is in all of its complexities and contradictions. Listen to yourself verbally or silently share with yourself each feeling. Write these feelings down or just mentally note each one. Actively acknowledge and listen to yourself talk about your feelings at least 3 times a day, like when you are washing your hands or waiting on the microwave to finish. Listen and notice your internal feelings and your self-talk about these feelings.

How to ensure you have a safe place to vent or blow off steam as needed during each day: As you travel through each of your days, there can be sudden moments when you feel your adrenaline surging. Notice these moments as soon as you can by paying attention to your muscle tension, especially in your face, jaw muscles, neck, shoulders, ribcage and solar plexus muscles. Take a moment to take a break from whatever you are doing. Say, ‘excuse me, I will be back.’ Take a deliberate moment to clear your head by going outside or to the restroom. Scream or sob or punch into a pillow or into the wind or into the running water of a sink or shower. Just take the moment to blow off steam. If you are not in a life threatening emergency, tell yourself to just let it all out. The wind and the water and the pillows can handle it. This process will relax you and help you clarify your true preferences, one situation at a time. A punching bag is helpful to have around any household for everyone to use as needed.

By ensuring you are heard, seen and allowed to blow off steam, you make sure you know you matter to you each day. It is not anyone else’s job to ensure we know each day that we each matter. It is easy to assume other people in our lives will help us with this big job, but they cannot. Even when another person does meaningfully help us with feeling like we matter a lot, it doesn’t get through to our hearts. Only the self inside each of us can let that message into our deepest hearts. With steady daily work towards allowing your inside person to be seen, heard and blow off steam safely, your inner person will slowly let that basic message in and feel calmer and more self-respecting one step at a time, too.

There is only one rule to remember during your moments of seeing yourself, hearing yourself out and safely venting your stored up adrenaline. The one and only rule to keep in mind is to refuse to judge yourself on any level or at any moment during each of these 3 processes. Suspend all judgement, so you can see, hear and safely vent your thoughts and feelings. Easy does it, steady as you go.

Happy Pandemic Holidays and Good Luck

Are You Afraid of Your Adrenaline Surges?

The Whitworth Stressometer can teach you how to be less afraid of your Adrenaline Stress Hormone Reactions. There are no Surge Protectors on your Adrenaline Fuel Injectors. Therefore, it is important to sort out false alarms from true ones in order to know when to take you Stress Reactions seriously and when not to.

Whitworth Stressometer: 6-Minute Reset, Beady, Set, Go

Whether you are wanting to learn to manage your scary Adrenaline Surge symptoms of: anger, anxiety, insomnia, hyper-somnia (i.e.,sleeping and staying in bed more), depression, self-downing self-talk, catastrophic thinking, trauma memory flashbacks, paranoid anxiety, heart racing sensations, High Blood Pressure (HBP) spikes, rage, Autoimmune illness flares, skin rashes, venting rants, Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), migraines, weight fluctuations, smoking cessation, healing, chronic illness, exhaustion from rescuing or pleasing behaviors, chronic pain, addictions, self-sabotage patterns, binge anxiety patterns, Avoidance patterns, Perfectionism anxiety involving disapproval panic, obsessions, etc., mindful and deliberate daily choices that line up with your Personal Preferences will help you be more successful. Because our Adrenaline Surge symptoms are supposed to scare us, we can stay scared for much longer than necessary. This tutorial is to help you better understand and problem-solve through your stressful lives one situation at a time.

Lots of things happen in our mental outlook and decision-making abilities that I think are really cool when we are feeling safe, calmer in our muscle tension, breathing pattern and thinking style. First of all, we like ourselves a little more and are able to easily identify our Personal Preferences about problems. We can naturally manage stress uniquely, individualistically, playfully and meaningfully. Preferential and calmer decisions may not be immediately gratifying, but they will be gratifying later on. On the other hand, impulsive acting out may gratify you in the moment but will translate into unhealthy self-criticism or self-sabotage later overall. Calmer decision-making moment by moment builds a momentum over time and adds to our overall self-respect and wellbeing.

When you are in a true life-threatening emergency rushed and suddenly reactive decisions are required and helpful. The sudden conversion to the fear based Adrenaline laced thinking style and behavior style of the mind and body systems is supposed to scare us a lot. Stress Hormones scare us because suddenly we are confused about our safety. If there is no danger immediately threatening us, our minds will scramble and fragment into all kinds of ‘what if’ negative hypothetical possibilities for us to obsess on, which we usually stay fixated on because there is not a real life threat emergency choice in our list. This negative experience is a false alarm in the CNS. We can stay in this scrambled state of mind and body tension for days or longer. The longer we stay with our false alarm fear based mindset and body tension, the more painful symptoms will continue to develop and worsen. We begin to get sick and even more scared. There is a way out of this.

False alarms in your CNS neurology are supposed to happen a lot just in case it is an emergency. False alarms are not your fault and cannot be stopped. It is how we are wired to survive. Learning Reassuring self-talk and bodily Relaxation skills once the false alarm is identified is the solution to the stress puzzle. Primary Stressors that easily falsely alarm us involve: Health scares, Relationship problems, and Financial woes. One solution to a false alarm is improving your awareness of your specific mind an body reactivity symptoms.

The Whitworth Stressometer can teach you to understand your way out of your false alarms and freak out moments, so that you aren’s captured and stuck there indefinitely. Practice is the key to meaningful life improvements.  It is important to learn how to direct your Adrenaline’s laser sharp focus to Personal Preference thinking and behaving in each false alarm. Knowing how to use your Adrenaline’s keen attentional focus to fixate on what you Prefer and want to see happen in your stressful situations and begin obsessively leaning into your Personal Preference thinking style and behavioral style will give you the Mental Edge during your stressful situations. Learning how to do this ‘life hack’ is a real path to wellness, self-respect and is stress management that works for you personally.

The Whitworth Stressometer can improve your awareness of your mind and body biofeedback messaging systems. I encourage you to think about the visceral and cerebral symptoms you experience at each level on the Stressometer. We are all different and process stress mentally and physically by having varying symptoms. What are your Stress Reaction symptoms? What are your Relaxation Response thoughts and behaviors?

Whitworth Stressometer Worksheet

Stress Reactivity Levels of States of Mind and Body:

Levels 8, 9 & 10 are helpful only in an immediate life-threatening emergency. Otherwise, you will want to deliberately and mindfully slow down and calm down in your mind and your body prior to problem solving the stressful situation whether the situation involves intense positive or intense negative life events. I want to take a minute here to advocate for all of the negative cascade of mind and body freak out symptoms. We all have them to guide us to survive. I think it’s helpful to appreciate these symptoms as the guides they are to encourage us to up our self-care routines in all non-immediate stressful times. If your stressor is going to be with you for longer than 3 days, it is a long term stressor and your Relaxation Hormones will help you daily problem solve your dilemma.

Level 10: What are your worst thoughts, emotions and behaviors? What triggers your intense Adrenaline surge symptoms? What do other people complain about the most when you are stressed out? What does it feel like inside your head and body? What impulsive choices do you routinely make that piss you off and upset you later, and make you the most emotional? Are you panicking; raging; binging; sobbing; throwing things; trembling, disconnecting from your reality; shutting down and shutting others out; blaming others, and/or exhausted from rescuing, helping and pleasing others? Are you putting unrealistic Perfectionistic expectations on yourself? List your worst worst thoughts, emotions and behaviors here.

 Level 9: What are your worst negative thoughts about yourself, others, your life and your future? How does this feel inside you to think this way? Disapproval anxiety fear reactions, Illness scares, and financial fears can be important triggers to identify. These negative catastrophic thoughts are should/must thoughts like: ‘I don’t matter, there is no way out, I can’t stand this, I am awful, this is totally awful, I’m no good, this is always going to be this way and never change, I should have known better, I should be better, I must fix this, I should be able to figure this out right now…’ The thinking style at Level 9 is binary. In other words, we think in Perfectionistic Absolutes that ask us to quickly judge ourselves and our life using shoulds, musts and have-to’s. The binary nature of Perfectionistic thinking involve making snap judgements like: this situation and myself are either good or bad; I will either live or die; I must do all I can or nothing else is good enough, I am either right or wrong, I should be successful or I have failed entirely at life…What are your worst feeling Perfectionistic binary thoughts? List them here.

Level 8: What parts of your body feel more tense or more pain due to rising Stress Hormones? Are you short of breath? Is your chest tightening? Does your back hurt? Are there muscle spasms or twitches in your shoulders or somewhere else? How does this feel inside you? Are you nauseated? Where do you hurt? Is your throat hurting? Do you have a headache? Are you feeling numbness or tingling in your finger tips or scalp? Are your joints swelling? Are you jumpy or fidgety? Are you nail biting or hair twisting or pulling? Allow each of your bodily symptoms to guide to self-care because that is all they are for. List all of your physical symptoms here.

Relaxation Response Levels of States of Mind and Body:

Levels 7-0 are all felt in your mind and body due to your prevalence of your very own Relaxation hormones being delivered to muscles and your mind by your deliberate willingness and desire to calm back down again once you decide you are safe right now. For all of your long term stressors, (i.e., any stressor lasting longer than 3 days) think of the children’s story: ‘The Tortoise and the Hare.’ This Aesop fable teaches children about resting rather than racing through life stress events. We all can benefit daily from learning to be more like a tortoise and less like a hare/rabbit during long term stress events. Slow and steady wins the race.

Level 7: What is the first thing you feel in your mind or body as you begin to calm down? Where does your relief first start? Is it a first full deep breath or your neck muscles relaxing? Or do your shoulders feel lower and better or is it your stomach that feels relieved, less nauseous? Think about your mind, too; do you relax and begin feeling more tolerant and less judgmental of yourself or others? Think about relief in your mind and body. Write down how it feels to you. 

Level 6: Preference awareness comes online again. Level 6 is the fix for all of your non-life threatening stressors. How do you know you are in your Preference zone? What are your better feeling Preference thoughts? Do you feel more disapproval/distress tolerant of yourself, others and your life? How does your body prefer to feel? Does your breathing feel better to you? Level 6 is when you are at your best and your peak performance is possible again. Perfectionism has dropped away and your best is once again good enough to you. You can sort out realistic from unrealistic expectations for yourself, life and others. You feel ok. Your thoughts come together with a balanced blend of positive and negative awarenesses of yourself and your life. Your memory is better again. Better feeling Preference thoughts allow you to see yourself and your life as normally being both: good and bad, right and wrong, happy and sad, winning and losing, succeeding and failing… The glass is simultaneously half empty and half full. It is your Relaxation Hormones that give you back your broader and more accurate perspective. You are only as upset one situation at a time as you are far away from what you want and Prefer. What do you want to see happen? Remember, stress management is not about getting what you want right now, it is about moving towards it by knowing what you want and honoring your preferences with your behavior and thoughts. Write down your Personal Preferences about your situation here. Write down your Broader more realistic expectations of yourself and your life on our planet.

 Level 5: How do you feel and behave when you are enjoying and liking being you? Are you able to laugh at the silly things you do? Are you playfully musical, athletic, creative or something else? Are you drawn to nature or funny videos to watch? Do you sing, do yoga, cook, write, work puzzles, play games, exercise, go dancing, go to your happy place, do your happy dance or something else? Think about what you naturally Prefer and are drawn to do and think when you feel good enough, ok and safe. What seems fun to you? Do more of your happy activities for short little 5 minute intervals several times a day. Write down your happy activities.

Level 4: What do you think and feel when you are encouraged, hopeful and prone to laughter? How does it feel and what do you do when you are having fun your way? Are you silly, goofy, a practical joker, affectionate, drawn to nature? Do you feel your sense of humor coming back online? What do you like about these feelings? What kind of things make you laugh? Write them down here and try to notice them more.

 Level 3: At this level you are feeling gratitude about life. What little or big things do you appreciate about yourself and your life today? Write down what you are most appreciative of and encouraged by in your moments of calm gratitude and self-reflection. Notice little moments in your day that you like. What are they? Practicing gratitude can calm you down. What is happening that is good? Can you see any silver linings about your situation? Write these down.

Levels 2, 1 & 0: These are levels of restful meditation (level 2), sleepiness and trance-like dreaming (level 1), and deep restorative sleep (level 0). This is where your Relaxation Hormones are at their highest and your body is resetting, healing, and restoring your muscles and mind towards wellness. Your mind easily solves problems and often delivers insightful dreams. What do these levels feel like to your mind and body? How do you know when you feel restored or not from a night’s sleep? How do you know you do not feel rested after sleeping? Evening Relaxation practices will help improve your sleep. Keeping a dream journal can help you understand yourself better. Write down how you feel after sleeping here.

The section called: Helpful Audio Relaxation Training Exercises will allow you to get back into your Relaxation Hormone Zone in each of your false alarms. Keep going. Practicing Relaxation Exercises will allow you to be your own best friend in your hard times. It is good to learn to interrupt your Stress Reactive states of mind and body often each day. I recommend Preference Relaxation activities for 5 minutes every hour during times of high stress reactivity. Don’t worry about your Adrenaline Surge symptoms, don’t be scared, reassure yourself you are ok right now, and just allow them to guide you to interrupt them often each day for 5 minute calm down intervals for all of your non-immediate emergency life events.

®©Pamela Whitworth, PhD. All Rights Reserved 

Pandemic 2020 Stress Management

I just finished reading a book my daughter, Brandy Wells, had recommended to me, The Overstory by Richard Powers. The book is a profound novel about the trees of our Earth being silent gods among us. Every medicine ever discovered was derived from our trees or plants, who are masterful chemists, always morphing chemicals to heal trees connected underground that have gotten sick and to heal our illnesses. The trees underground root connections to each other will cool them all collectively during heat surges, heal them collectively when necessary and adjust constantly as a group to ever-changing weather conditions.

During this Pandemic our connections to each other have been disrupted in ways we have not seen happen before. Coming up with new ways to maintain our meaningful connections will require creative, unique solutions for each person. It’s important to lean into your personal preferences and honor them with your behavior in some way each day. It isn’t about getting what you want, it’s about moving toward what you want slowly and steadily. Lean into your creative, playful, and unique characteristics; and lean away from fear, dread, and obsessions, in order to find meaningful connections for yourself in this brand new set of circumstances. Re-discover your curiosities and connect with them daily in meditation and behavior as best you can. For example: Have you ever wanted a little kitchen garden? Have you ever wanted to have a bird feeder? Have you ever wanted to foster an animal? Have you ever wanted to bake something? Have you ever wanted to learn to play chess? Have you ever wanted to volunteer somewhere? What have you wanted to do and connect with that you haven’t yet explored? Think about exploring your curiosities a little bit each day to reduce stress and maintain new, meaningful connections.

You are not alone.

Corona Virus Anxiety Management

How to Lean into Your Relaxation State of Mind During Stress

Staying with the Relaxation Response state of mind can be tricky because the Stress Reactions of fight, flight and freeze states of mind occur suddenly at your first perception of stress. The Stress Reaction states of mind instantly deliver higher muscle tension, a holding of breath and your worst upsetting thoughts. This stress reactivity in mind and body connections is reflexive and not your fault. We are all wired to overreact to all stressors, just in case our life is in danger. If you are not in immediate danger it is ok to calm down if you want to for at least 5 minutes. It’s up to you to decide for yourself one situation at a time.

The Relaxation state of mind is only available by making a deliberate choice to calm down a little. This is commonly called Mindfulness. A calmer mind feels more reasonable. You can to teach yourself how to lean into relaxing muscles and your mind. Your mind is just as capable of learning how to do this difficult maneuver as it is learning to ride a bike or play a musical instrument or drive a car or anything else. Your peak performance in terms of IQ, interpersonal communication, problem solving, creativity, memory, healing capacity and individuality occurs when you are calmer in mind and body. The calmer state of mind is your Preference state of mind and allows you to choose your muscle tension level and better feeling thoughts even if it is only for 5 minutes. Interrupting the powerful stress reflex for 5 minutes several times a day is the goal. Even if you go right back to your stress reactivity afterwards, it is well worth the effort. This is how Mindfulness Relaxation training works. The following steps can be helpful to training your mind and body to adjust to calmer more preferential states during your times of stress.

Here’s how: This will take at least 5 minutes.

Exhale and relax your shoulders completely. Lower your shoulders as close to the floor as possible. Relax and lengthen your neck as you exhale fully. Continue relaxing a little more in your shoulders, neck, forehead and jawline as you exhale completely.

Coach yourself to suspend judgment, doom and blame about your current situation for the next 5-minutes and relax a little more. Relaxation thoughts are both positive and negative and make you feel balanced and more neutral. Choose some preference thoughts now as you continue relaxing and exhaling completely. Identify how you would like for the situation to go. Say what you want to see happen in the situation out loud.  

Imagine what you would like to see happen for another minute or two as you exhale and relax your shoulders again. You can feel a little better about your current situation by doing these things even though you may not be able to change the situation.

Just keep practicing in 5-minute intervals 2-3 times a day.

Good Luck

©Pamela Whitworth, PhD. All Rights Reserved. whitworthstressometer.com             

How to Manage Your Holiday Stress

Mindfulness Strengthening Exercise

Your mind, like any other muscle in your body, can be weaker or stronger depending on your exercise routine. Exercising your mind a little bit everyday can strengthen your ability to tune out or into stressful thoughts based on your preference and perform better under pressure as desired. Your mental strength is equal to your ability to relax muscles as you think about your non-life threatening stressors, simultaneously.** Sit in a comfortable place and begin relaxing your shoulders, jawline and ribs a little and exhale completely. Pay attention to how your muscles feel as you start relaxing them. Choose one of your stressors to think about for the next few minutes as you relax a little more. Suspend judgment of yourself & your stressor right now. Relax and lower your shoulders as close to the floor as you can, so that your neck is longer and your shoulders heavier. Sinking further into the furniture, exhale completely. Gently press the back of your head into the furniture to further relax the muscles in the front of your neck, too. These are your necklace muscles. Relax your necklace muscles. Imagine your thoughts passing through your mind effortlessly just like the clouds pass across the sky. Just sit with each stressful thought or emotion, large or small, like they are with you on a park bench in a beautiful park, be aware and nonjudgmental as you relax a little more. Fully imagine your favorite scene or place as you relax fully and exhale completely. **Continue just noticing your thoughts effortlessly passing & moving on across your mind as you relax your shoulders, neck, jawline and ribcage muscles for another minute or two and exhale fully. Now, name a main emotion your thought content on this topic has evoked or triggered inside you. For example, choose a main emotion to name your thought content on this problem like fear, sadness, anger, grief, guilt, shame, anxiety, concern, worry, exhaustion, peace, gratitude or something else. Continue the exercise without judgment as you relax your shoulders, ribs and solar plexus muscles a little more as you exhale fully. ** At this point a few minutes has elapsed during which you have resisted the tendency to judge, blame or doom yourself or your thoughts and resisted the tendency to respond to your thoughts with urgency or tense muscles. Instead, you have quietly and peacefully noticed what is happening in your mind as you mindfully & deliberately relax your muscle tension and refuse to judge or doom yourself or your thoughts. Continue the exercise now by recovering your mental awareness of your long-term personal preferences on the topic you have been thinking about. Persist in letting go of judgment, blame, doom, muscle tension & breath by exhaling fully. Just become aware of what you want to see happen overall on this problem. We are only as upset as we are far away from what we are really wanting for ourselves. So, what is it you want to see happen on this important matter? Remember, knowing what you want is more important & empowering than getting what you want, & stress proves you are a normal human experiencing your life normally, nothing more & nothing less. Use this technique 2-3 times daily for the best outcome on your topic or problem. You have completed the Mindfulness Strengthening Exercise. ©Pamela Whitworth, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

Interrupt the Stress Reflex of holding your breath, holding muscle tension and holding judgement often...

The Letting Go & Starting Again Relaxation Training Exercise (may help cognitive anxiety)

Begin this Relaxation exercise by thinking about the idea of ‘Letting Go.’ I believe it is helpful to know exactly what you are attempting to let go of, so your chances of success are increased.  First, let go of your breath by exhaling completely all of the stale air that may be trapped in the lower lobes of your lungs. Next, begin letting go of your muscle tension in your shoulders by putting your shoulders as close to the floor as you can get them. Let go of all of the muscle tension in your shoulders and allow them to feel heavier to you and your neck to feel longer to you as you continue to slowly exhale all the air from your lower lungs. Letting go completely of all muscle tension in your shoulders and breath in your lungs, so that there is no holding of breath or holding of muscle tension in your lungs or shoulders, letting go a little more on each gentle and complete exhale. Gently press the back of your head into the furniture so your collarbone muscles will release in the front of your neck, too. These are the necklace muscles. Relax your necklace muscles. Continue gently letting go of more muscle tension from your neck, forehead, jawline and ribcage as you continue letting go of all of your breath on each gentle exhale, more and more letting go of breath and upper body muscle tension very slowly. When you notice any holding of muscle tension or any holding of your breath in your lungs, just start again and let go gently and slowly of your muscle tension and breath, again and again as you gently exhale and slowly relax again. The tightening of upper body muscles and the holding of breath is a reflexive process and cannot be turned off. So, it is important for all of your daily activities to stay mindful of letting go of upper body muscle tension and breath again and again throughout your busy day.

Continue the letting go & starting again process now by letting go of your mental judgment regarding stressful topics in your daily life. Continue just letting go of your muscle tension in your shoulders and exhaling fully as you choose to refuse to judge yourself or your life right now. Instead, be more matter of fact or ‘it is what it is’ about those same life stressors happening now. The judgment of self and life as good or bad adds extra stress in the form of breath holding and shoulder muscle tension, no matter what you are doing.  So, choose to tell yourself, ‘it is what it is’ and that is all, without judging it, too. It is a tough time, or whatever, that is all. Refuse to think further about it right now. Let go of judgment about yourself or your life, let go of your breath and let go of your upper body muscle tension more and more on each gentle exhale. Allow your eyes to move freely as you move them gently side-to-side, relaxing your eye muscles a little bit, too. As you continue letting go of breath and personal judgment and muscle tension again and again on each gentle exhale you may notice your thoughts about yourself and your life have shifted to become a little better feeling & friendlier, too. This auto-correct of our negative thoughts to become kinder, more accurate thoughts happens after muscle tension, breathing patterns & personal judgment are relaxed, not before. So, if you don’t like your thoughts about yourself or your life, just take a moment to let go of breath, muscle tension and personal judgment, so that there is no holding of breath, no holding of muscle tension and no holding of judgment, and start again on your busy day. You have completed the Letting Go & Starting Again RTE.

©Pamela Whitworth, PhD. All Rights Reserved. whitworthstressometer.com             

Happy World Mental Health Day

6 Minute Reset, Ready, Set, Go

No matter what you are attempting to accomplish the Whitworth Stressometer can be helpful to your daily performance improvement endeavors. Whether you are trying to learn to manage anger, anxiety, insomnia, depression, trauma memories, IBS, migraines, weight, smoking cessation, healing, relationship issues, longterm illnesses, romance, performance under pressure, creativity, communication, chronic illness…, you can benefit from using the stressometer to check and see what your stress score is first. By taking a few minutes to adjust your stress score lower before you begin an activity, you will be more successful.  Your performance of all of your nonlifethreatening activities will be better when you are at a stress  score of six or less. Six is the fix.

Lots of things happen in our mental outlook and decision making abilities that I think are really cool when we are calmer in our muscle tension and breathing and thinking. First of all, we like ourselves a little more and are able to identify our preferences more easily so we problem solve more uniquely, individualistically and meaningfully than we do when we are rushed or tense. The decisions we are more inclined to make when relaxed are more likely to, also, be pleasing to us in the furture. In other words, calmer decisions usually translate into choices now that are more beneficial and in our best interest overall as well. Calmer decisions are usually not immediately gratifying but are delayed gratifiers instead. Preferential/calmer decisions may not be immediately or impulsively gratifying at all, but they will be gratifying later on. It is easy to confuse preference with immediate gratification and they are very different really. Immediately and impusively chosen decisions are not really preference at all, they are anxious and stress generated choices instead that may gratify you in the moment but will generally translate into self-criticism or self-sabotage later on and overall. When we are calmer first, before we begin an activity, our performance is more likely to line up with our best interests overall. Calmer decision making moment by moment builds a momentum over time and adds to our overall sense of wellbeing.

Decisions made under pressure are more likely to be rash, impulsive and immediately gratifying and unlikely to benefit the decider in the future. When you are in a true life threatening emergency rushed and sudden decisions are required and helpful. The rushed experience of heightened awareness to potential dangers tenses our muscles and create shallow breathing in order to convert our mind and body over to the adrenaline and cortisol stress hormones to run our Central Nervous System. This conversion happens in a split second and is only helpful in a true emergency. The sudden conversion to the adrenaline laced thinking and behaving  system creates specific belief patterns, breathing patterns and muscle tension patterns we call fight, flight and/or freeze.  

Making It Personal~Learning to Recognize False Alarms In Yourself:

 What does your 8, 9, 10 stress pattern look like? If it is not a true life or death emergency you will need to slow your system down in order to problem solve effectively. For all non-life threatening yet stressful situations you encounter it will be important to stay calmer to make choices that you are happy with later on. For example, when looking at your habits or daily rituals you are interested in changing like eating habits or alcohol intake or sleeping or exercise routines or anything in your life that stress has rearranged to become an accidental coping routine that is not benefitting you in your life overall, it will be very helpful to learn to relax before performing any of these activities so your decisions will be more to your liking overall.

Before each activity use this strategy: 1. Exhale all of your breath from your lungs very slowly. Next, 2. Relax your shoulders by dropping them as low to the floor as possible. Lastly, 3. Refuse to judge yourself or your situation. Life is hard enough without all of the judgment. Just refuse to do it for a moment right now. Repeat these steps until you are at your level 6 and then do the daily activity you have had trouble with. Keep working on your interior to stay calmer during each activity that has become problematic due to stress.

 ©Pamela Whitworth,PhD. All Rights Reserved.

Take a moment to find some gentle healing during your busy day.

The Letting Go & Starting Again Relaxation Training Exercise

Begin this Relaxation exercise by thinking about the idea of ‘Letting Go.’ I believe it is helpful to know exactly what you are attempting to let go of, so your chances of success are increased.  First, let go of your breath by exhaling completely all of the stale air that may be trapped in your lungs. Next, begin letting go of your muscle tension in your shoulders by putting your shoulders as close to the floor as you can get them. Let go of all of the muscle tension in your shoulders and allow them to feel heavier to you and your neck to feel longer to you as you continue to slowly exhale all the air from your lungs. Letting go completely of all muscle tension in your shoulders and breath in your lungs, so that there is no holding of breath or holding of muscle tension in your lungs or shoulders, letting go a little more on each gentle and complete exhale. Continue gently letting go of more muscle tension from your neck, forehead, jawline and ribcage as you continue letting go of all of your breath on each gentle exhale, more and more letting go of breath and upper body muscle tension very slowly. When you notice any muscle tension or tightening in your upper body muscles or any tightening in your lungs, just start again and let go gently and slowly of your muscle tension and breath, again and again as you gently exhale and slowly relax. The tightening of upper body muscles and the holding of breath is a reflexive process and cannot be turned off. So, it is important for all of your daily activities to stay mindful of letting go of upper body muscle tension and breath again and again throughout your busy day.

Continue the letting go & starting again process now by letting go of your mental judgment regarding stressful topics in your daily life. Continue just letting go of your muscle tension in your shoulders and exhaling fully as you choose to refuse to judge yourself or your life. Instead, be more matter of fact or ‘it is what it is’ about those same life stressors, large or small, happening now. The judgment of self and life as good or bad adds extra stress in the form of breath holding and shoulder muscle tension, no matter what you are doing.  For example, if you tell yourself your situation is awful, you are more likely to get overly angry, anxious or frozen or shutdown. So, choose to tell yourself  ‘it is what it is’ and that is all, without judging it, too. It is a tough time, or whatever, that is all. Refuse to think further. Let go of judgment about yourself or your life, let go of your breath and let go of your upper body muscle tension more and more on each gentle exhale. Allow your eyes to move freely as you move them gently side-to-side, relaxing your eye muscles a little bit, too. As you continue letting go of breath and personal judgment and muscle tension again and again on each gentle exhale you may notice your thoughts about yourself and your life have shifted to become a little better feeling & friendlier to you, too. This auto-correct of our negative thoughts to become kinder, more accurate thoughts happens after muscle tension, breathing patterns & personal judgment are relaxed, not before. So, if you don’t like your thoughts about yourself or your life just take a moment to let go of breath, muscle tension and personal judgment and start again on your day. You have completed the Letting Go & Starting Again RTE.

©Pamela Whitworth, PhD. All Rights Reserved. whitworthstressometer.com                

Listen to Your Inner Preferences and Playful Awarenesses

What Calms You?

Who is your Calming Whisperer?

Be you very own Self-Whisperer during your difficult times by reminding yourself to:

Exhale & Relax your shoulders over and over during the day.

In fact, sometimes it is good to say to yourself, 'Put your shoulders on the floor or as close to it as you can get them.'

These calming statements are not like the intrusive marching-band type statements we hear from our minds' mental spaces. Our alarming self-talk (i.e., using your Whitworth Stressometer your brand of your very own level 9 worst feeling thoughts) of the Fight, Flight & Freeze gears is reflexively delivered over a kind of loud speaker in our minds and we do not choose it. On the other hand, the calming self-talk (i.e., using your Whitworth Stressometer your very own level 6 preference based better feeling thoughts) is deliberately and voluntarily chosen by you and whispered to you via free-will. The calming whispers are a voluntary choice and need to be based on your personal preference of what you want to hear instead. Level 6 thought processes differ from level 9 thoughts in terms of accuracy and balanced ratios of positive and negative viewpoints. For all non-life threatening situations you will want to listen to your more accurate and balanced views from your level 6 preference based thoughts.

So, begin your very own Calming Whispers today. Write them down and choose to say them for all of your stressful yet non-life threatening situations, because for any stressor the alarming self-talk channel will just start playing due to your adrenaline levels. Remind yourself you can choose to tune into your calming self-talk channel anytime if you are not in danger. It is up to you. If you are in danger then listen to the alarming self-talk and get to safety, then begin your calming whispers. 

YOUR LEVEL SIX IS THE FIX: We usually only have 3 or 4 scary self-talk statements  that our adrenaline surges intrusively deliver over and over again to our minds. Get to know what yours are. Write them each down. Then choose 3 or 4 preference self-talk statements to talk back to each one of your scary adrenalinized thoughts for all of your non-life threatening situations. Using your Whitworth Stressometer allow your level 6 preferences to talk right back to your level 9 thoughts. Think of it as a conversation you are in charge of, finally. Your level 9 alarming thoughts are only questions about how scared to be. Allow your level 6 preference thoughts to be your chosen answers each time you are not in danger. Write down 3 or 4 preference based thoughts of what you prefer to believe about your hard times and have them ready to use everyday.

Use a worksheet to complete this form as needed.

©Pamela Whitworth, PhD. All Rights Reserved.

Take a few minutes to reset your stress level to a more relaxed state of mind and body

6 Minute Reset Relaxation Exercise

Your state of mind is determined to a large extent based on your muscular tension level. If you would like to feel better emotionally & mentally the best thing to do first is to begin relaxing your upper body muscle tension a little at a time as you exhale fully over and over again very slowly and comfortably. Begin that now. The process of exhaling and relaxing a little more in your upper body several times can reset your Central Nervous System (CNS) to a calmer state of mind in 2-6 minutes time. This Resetting of your CNS can deliver you more control right now over your intrusive thoughts, obsessive worry, physical & emotional pain & annoying habits & fears. Resetting your CNSoften everyday will improve your memory recall, your performance @ work or in your relationships, your creative problem solving, your test taking, your healing time, your communication style, your romance, and stabalize your mood. By relaxing several times each day you will begin to notice how your decisions are adjusting slowly to become a better match with your overall preferences for yourself and your life style because calmer decisions are not impulsive or immediately gratifying to you, either one. Calmer decisions are more gratifying to you later on and overall, instead.***Sit in a comfortable place and continue relaxing your shoulders and your rib cage front and back a little bit and exhale completely. You can place your hand gently on your solar plexus muscles where your left and right rib cages join in the center below your heart to aid further relaxation of this important region of your chest wall. Relax deeply as you exhale fully. Without judging, blaming or dooming yourself or your difficulties think about them right now. Relax your shoulders, ribs, solar plexus and chest wall  a little more as you exhale completely. Relax the muscles underneath your hand just a little more deeply so that your ribs come apart a little bit more as & exhale fully. Imagine your thoughts on your difficulty are passing through your mind effortlessly just like the clouds pass across the sky. Quietly allow your mental flow of thought on this difficulty or habit to become more effortless to you. Be aware and nonjudgmental of your pain or uncomfortable thoughts and emotions right now. And relax your upper body muscles a little more anyway, even though you may be uncomfortable. Just relax your muscle tension in your shoulders and chest wall a little bit more anyway as you exhale fully right now.***Continue the exercise now by collecting & recovering your mental awareness of your overall personal preferences on the difficulties or habits you have been thinking about. Persist in letting go of judgment, blame, doom, muscle tension & exhale fully. Just become aware of what you want to see happen overall on your topic or pain or habit. We are only as emotionally upset or physically tense as we are far away from what we are wanting. So, what is it you want to see happen on this important matter? Think about what you are wanting to have happen on this matter as you continue to relax your upper body and the muscles of your chest wall and solar plexus a little more on each exhale. Remember, knowing what you want is more important & empowering than getting it; & hardships prove you are a normal human experiencing your life normally. Use this 6 Minute Reset Relaxation Exercise 2-3 times daily for the steady improvement of your daily life habits and difficulties. You have completed the 6 Minute Reset Relaxation Exercise.  ©Pamela Whitworth, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

Thinking about Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms

Are you suffering with PTSD (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder) symptoms on a regular basis? Some of the symptoms are depression, unresolved anger, helplessness, flashbacks (negative memory flashes) of the event or events you endured, mood instability, nightmares, guilt, rage, isolation and lonliness, insomnia, panic attacks and many more. If you want to feel just a little better at a time there are a few things that may help. First of all, set realistic goals for yourself. For example, expect to deal with this troubling event you endured for a long time. Memories that are filed in the mind under the influence of high levels of adrenaline are very secure in the memory vault, so they have staying power. Secondly, expect to be able, eventually, to tell your epic story to yourself, your journal or trusted others more smoothly, more gently and with some self-compassion, too. The important thing is to slowly, over time, aim for more relaxed muscles, lungs and mind in the recounting and re-telling of your trauma experience, so that your mind, neurology and emotions know you are safe now.

The psyche cannot tell time. On the interior of your mind there are no clocks. So, inside your mind and body there is no knowledge that now is different from the past. If you want your psyche to discriminate between the timing of your trauma event and your now experience you will have to teach it to do so. Making a timeline of your major life experiences can be a helpful visual to allow the mind to see that this is now, not then. So, draw a line across a piece of paper and plug in the important years to document relevant good and bad events. Be as detailed as possible.

Next, name the year or years of the tragedy and the years after to help your mind get to know there is a difference in these parts of your life. For example, ‘shock’ and ‘moving on’ or ‘horror’ and ‘healing’ or something else. Just give your trauma year/s a different name from your now timeframe.

Be sure to practice your relaxation techniques during any work on your PTSD. For example, exhale fully right now and relax your shoulders and ribcage muscles a little bit. Do this throughout any of your active work sessions on your painful memories. Relaxation in the body gives the mind the ‘all clear’ message so your thoughts can calm a little, too. Each active journaling or therapy session will be more helpful to you if you are calmer during it. Also, tears are healing to us. We do not tear up or cry if we are very stressed. We have to be calmer first, to process painful memories and mourn our losses in meaningful ways. So, any tears are a good indicator you are calmer.

As we learn to stay calmer as we deal with our painful past experiences, any efforts at suppressing or avoiding these same memories slip from our grip. As suppression and avoidance tactics slip away we are free to emotionally deal with what happened in ways that help us move forward towards healing. This is progress. Be prepared to emotionally vent, rant and/or cry. This process of letting the stressful suppression and avoidance techniques slip away via relaxation efforts begins the emotional processing and digesting of our troubled experiences. This healing process can be delayed with suppression in many ways like working all the time, drinking too much or something else. However, it cannot be prevented from happening. All of the suppression and avoidance techniques in the world will not stop it from being dealt with at some point. This is the reason why the body begins to manifest more and more PTSD symptoms overtime. Our body is smarter than our mind a lot of the time and will get sicker until it finally gets us to take it seriously and get some help. So, your symptoms are your best friends to the extent that they wake you up to your bodily needs of care and comfort and help. Be compassionate with you.

©Pamela Whitworth, PhD. All Rights Reserved. whitworthstressometer.com

5 Minute Be and Breathe Relaxation Training Exercise

Be and Breathe Relaxation Training Exercise

Take a moment to think about the space between your activities during your day. For example, the space between finishing getting ready to go somewhere and actually being there or the space between putting something in the microwave and waiting for it to heat up or something else. Just begin thinking of the spaces between your activities you have planned for today while you, also, begin exhaling more completely and relaxing deeply in your forehead, your neck, your shoulders, your jaw and your ribcage muscles a little bit at a time. During the spaces between each of your activities is a good time to exhale fully and relax your upper body muscles a little bit in order to interrupt the stress reflex’s muscle tension effects specifically in your upper body. Exhale again and relax a little more in the tightest muscles you can locate in your upper body.  Which of your upper body muscles are the tightest right now? Continue identifying them now.  Exhale slowly and fully and rest your tightest upper body muscles just a little more right now. And continue this process during each of your spaces between your activities during your day, no matter how short or long these spaces actually last; just exhale fully into these spaces and relax a little more deeply in your tightest muscles.

If you have a little more time right now continue your thinking about other spaces between other things like the spaces and patterns between the stars in the night sky, the spaces and shapes between the leaves on the trees outside, the spaces and shapes between the clouds in the daytime sky, the spaces between the rocks across a mountain stream, the spaces between your muscles and your bones or something else. If you have physical or emotional pain in your body or mind somewhere, think about the space between the worst pains and the spaces between the painful areas of your body and mind and the better feeling areas. Exhale and relax your tightest or most painful areas in your muscles and mind just a little more deeply again and again into the space of this moment. Focus your attention on these spaces between things and allow these spaces to provide you one or two degrees of separation right now between yourself and your activities, yourself and your worst physical and emotional pains, yourself and your stressors, yourself and your deadlines or your muscles and your bones. Allow the spaces between things to capture more of your attention today so that these spaces can provide you with a degree of separation and protection in which you can take a moment to exhale slowly and fully and relax deeply in your tightest and most painful areas in your body and mind again and again. Think of the most comfortable, quietest and calmest parts of your body or mind and exhale fully and relax these areas a little more, too, as you notice your areas of comfort. Enjoy thinking about your degrees of separation and protection between yourself and your stress that insulate you for a moment and allow you a moment of pause and rest. You have completed the Be and Breathe RTE. 

©Pamela Whitworth, Ph.D. All rights reserved. whitworthstressometer.com